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Women and children first

For decades the science of child-rearing was guided by patriarchal ideas, but now the cradle rocks to an older rhythm. Eric Michael Johnson, in conversation with eminent evolutionary biologists Sarah Hrdy and Robert Trivers, explores how Mother Nature and the social network that nurtured our past have been remembered at last

Published on
March 15, 2012
Last updated
May 27, 2015

Source: Getty

Model of efficiency: 鈥榟ospitalism鈥 produced infants who were listless, apathetic and refused to eat 鈥 the result not of disease but of loneliness

Their children鈥檚 cries unheard, that past through fire

To his grim idol.鈥

John Milton, Paradise Lost (1667)

The infants had been arranged into neat rows, swaddled in aseptic white cloth the way precision instruments would be secured for shipping. Masked, hooded and gloved nurses cautiously moved down the aisle to record vital functions and administer bottles of formula, closely adhering to the feeding schedule detailed in their log books. To eliminate the possibility of contamination, any handling of their charges was kept to a minimum and parental visits were strictly forbidden. It was a model of efficiency compromised only by the piercing screams of newborns in distress.

American infant wards in the first half of the 20th century were designed around two prevailing ideas, wrote Robert Sapolsky, a Stanford University neuroscientist, in his book Monkeyluv: And Other Essays on Our Lives as Animals (2005): 鈥渁 worship of sterile, aseptic conditions at all costs, and the belief among the (overwhelmingly male) paediatric establishment that touching, holding, and nurturing infants was sentimental maternal foolishness鈥. But there was little doubt at the time that eliminating cross-infection was a medically necessary pursuit.

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Well into the 1920s, according to statistics from Bellevue Hospital in New York, an estimated 30 per cent of infants died before they could go home with their mothers. Many more experienced a condition referred to as 鈥渉ospitalism鈥, in which extended stays produced infants who were listless, apathetic and refused to eat. It wasn鈥檛 until 1941 that New York paediatrician Harry Bakwin, in a paper read before the American Pediatric Society, told a sceptical audience of his peers that they had been deceiving themselves all along: hospitalism was not the result of disease, he said. It was caused by 鈥渓oneliness鈥.

There are few American cities that feel more like an incubator than Houston, Texas in the summertime. With its thick, stagnant air and searing heat, often reaching highs of 40degC in July, the city鈥檚 torrid atmosphere drapes over the coastal plain like the heavy fabric of an influenza tent. During the city鈥檚 post-war economic boom, fuelled by abundant petroleum reserves and an expanding military-industrial complex to supply, Houston experienced rapid exponential growth. Row upon row of identical white housing developments emerged almost overnight, spreading the metropolis outwards in all directions like bacteria filling an agar plate.

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Sarah Blaffer Hrdy was born on 11 July 1946 and grew up in an environment that epitomised an American exceptionalism that would define the second half of the 20th century - but only if you were male and white.

鈥淭his was a very segregated and really quite patriarchal society,鈥 Hrdy tells me from her home at Citrona Farms near the University of California, Davis, where she held a chair in anthropology until her retirement. 鈥淕rowing up in Houston was a lot like growing up in South Africa.鈥

When she later moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts, first to attend Radcliffe College and then graduate school at Harvard University, Hrdy embarked on a distinguished 40-year career as a primatologist and evolutionary theorist who would come to challenge - and ultimately transcend - an interpretation of Darwinian biology still moored in Victorian attitudes about gender and the role of mothers in natural history. But it would be Hrdy鈥檚 early years in southeast Texas and her unconventional career path as she tried to balance work and family that would ultimately inspire her ideas and motivate her to persevere.

As the third daughter born into a wealthy family - Hrdy鈥檚 paternal grandfather, Robert L. Blaffer, was a founder of the Humble Oil Company, which later merged with Standard Oil of New Jersey to become Exxon - her surroundings were permeated by distinctly 鈥淪outhern鈥 genteel values, especially where women鈥檚 roles were concerned. But she was also subject to the prevailing attitudes in child psychology of the time, which regarded overt expressions of love and affection as a parental weakness that could spoil a child鈥檚 character.

鈥淓ducated women in my mother鈥檚 generation鈥, explains Hrdy, 鈥渢hought that if you responded to a crying baby you would be conditioning that baby to cry more and to be more demanding. Of course, today we know the opposite to be the case.鈥

The most prominent advocate for this spartan approach towards parenting was another member of the Southern gentry, John B. Watson, the South Carolina-born psychologist and president of the American Psychological Association. Founder of the 鈥渂ehaviourist鈥 school in psychology, Watson saw himself as engaged in nothing less than an all-out war against the evils of maternal love. His 1928 bestseller, Psychological Care of Infant and Child, sold 50,000 copies in its first year and remained one of the most widely read parenting manuals for decades to come.

Watson鈥檚 advice called for a draconian and emotionally restricted approach to childrearing. 鈥淣ever hug and kiss them,鈥 he wrote, 鈥渘ever let them sit on your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say good night. Shake hands with them in the morning.鈥

The child鈥檚 mind, Watson believed, was a tabula rasa, a blank slate, and their behaviour had to be moulded to fit the demands of society. The individual consequences of failure could be dire.

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鈥淢other love is a dangerous instrument which may inflict a never-healing wound,鈥 he insisted, 鈥渁n instrument which may wreck your adult son or daughter鈥檚 vocational future and their chances for marital happiness.鈥

For a Southern lady of Hrdy鈥檚 status, the most important concern was that one should marry well to establish a position in society, and her parents were determined to spare their children the emotional attachments that might threaten those opportunities. Employing a succession of governesses to raise her children, Hrdy鈥檚 mother regularly found a replacement whenever the children became too attached.

鈥淣o one ever doubted that my mother loved her five children,鈥 Hrdy says, but as a result of her upbringing, 鈥淚 was a case study in insecure attachment and, except with friends, quite shy.鈥 Hrdy would eventually learn to overcome her shyness, but the absence of an emotional bond during her early development left behind a permanent scar: to this day she has no memory of childhood.

In 1990, after Hrdy鈥檚 brother died tragically at the age of 30, she received his baby book from their early childhood in Houston.

鈥淚 was amazed by how much detailed information there was in it,鈥 she says. Having only vague impressions of their distant caregivers, Hrdy couldn鈥檛 imagine that one of them had kept such a complete record.

鈥淏ut then I looked more closely and I realised that it was my handwriting,鈥 she says. 鈥淚 was keeping all of these detailed notes on my brother鈥檚 development, but I have no recollection of caring for him.鈥

The precise mechanism for such childhood memory loss continues to be debated by psychologists, but the common experiences of adults who share this kind of amnesia form a consistent pattern. Like those children who suffered the effects of hospitalism in the early part of the 20th century, the absence of childhood attachment with a caregiver results in physiological changes that have potentially lifelong consequences.

鈥淚 want to know so much more about my early childhood and I simply don鈥檛,鈥 Hrdy confesses. 鈥淚 have a feeling that others of my generation and social class are very much in the same boat.鈥

But during the past few years her research into the evolutionary biology of childhood attachment has convinced her that the problem lies much deeper than her own generation鈥檚 experience.

Hrdy believes that flawed assumptions about what children need to feel secure permeate our society, influencing decisions by parents and policymakers alike. 鈥淚 think we have an epidemic of emotional neglect of children today that has gone completely unrecognised.鈥 If she鈥檚 right, what can be done to reclaim a childhood lost?

Hrdy is not the first evolutionary theorist to experience childhood memory loss. When Charles Darwin was eight years old, his mother died after a protracted illness. In keeping with proper Victorian sensibilities, no one in the Darwin family was permitted to acknowledge the emotions they experienced as a result of her loss. While trying to reconstruct this experience in his autobiography many years later, Darwin wrote of his mother: 鈥渋t is odd that I can remember hardly anything about her鈥.

He added: 鈥淚 believe my forgetfulness is partly due to my sisters, owing to their great grief, never being able to speak about her or to mention her name.鈥

Soon after his mother鈥檚 death, young Charles was sent away to boarding school where he was regarded as kind but intensely shy with a tendency towards reclusiveness that would come to define his later years. Throughout his life he would suffer from a strange, psychosomatic illness that doctors were at a loss to explain.

The English psychiatrist John Bowlby, in his biography of the world鈥檚 most famous naturalist, attributed Darwin鈥檚 ailments to what today would be referred to as 鈥減anic disorder鈥 brought on by separation anxiety and an inability to properly mourn his mother鈥檚 loss. In Darwin鈥檚 own words, his adult years were plagued by persistent bouts of 鈥渧omiting preceded by shivering, hysterical crying, dying sensations or half-faint (and) nervousness when E. (Emma, his wife) leaves me鈥. He experienced similar cases of abdominal distress and cardiac palpitations as a young man - long before his five-year voyage on HMS Beagle - suggesting that the source of his affliction wasn鈥檛 something contracted during his foreign travels but rather had an origin closer to home.

For Bowlby, one of the first scientists to consider childhood from an evolutionary perspective, Darwin鈥檚 mysterious illness and childhood memory loss provided one more piece of evidence suggesting that our species is adapted to make secure attachments with a caregiver as part of our biological inheritance. However, to convince psychologists steeped in behaviourism to accept such a radical proposal would require evidence from the primates that Darwin made it his life鈥檚 work to bring us closer to.

At the same time that Bowlby was developing his evolutionary theory of attachment in the mid-1950s, a hard-drinking, chain-smoking workaholic by the name of Harry Harlow was busy creating separation anxiety in the lab. While his original intention was to discover the cheapest way to breed monkeys for experimentation, Harlow ended up providing empirical evidence to refute those psychologists who advocated a cold, emotionless approach to parenting by creating the kind of wiry caregiver that they described, quite literally.

By placing a baby monkey into a cage with two artificial 鈥渟urrogate鈥 mothers - one made of soft terrycloth and the other a patchwork of wire mesh - Harlow sought to test the behaviourists鈥 assumption that an infant was motivated only by a parent who provided them with nourishment. In the course of the experiment, eight identical cages would be established, but with one important variation: in four of them, only the 鈥渨ire mom鈥 would be equipped with a bottle, while in the other half only the 鈥渃loth mom鈥 would be. If the behaviourists were correct, the infant should prefer whichever 鈥渕other鈥 was the source of food.

The results were unambiguous: in both cases infants spent nearly all of their time clinging to their cloth mother regardless of whether or not it was the one with the bottle. In the cages where wire mom was so equipped, the infants would leave soft mom鈥檚 embrace to feed, only to immediately return for the 鈥渃ontact comfort鈥 they obviously required.

鈥淭he effects were so strong鈥, wrote Deborah Blum, the Pulitzer prizewinning journalist who chronicled Harlow鈥檚 experiment in her book Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection (2002), 鈥渢hat the scientists began to wonder about other ways to test that bond and the security that seemed to come with it.鈥

Harlow next placed each infant - along with both surrogate mothers - into a 6 sq ft playspace that the monkeys could explore independently. When cloth mom was present, the infants would each hesitantly wander around their novel environment, confident that they could return to the safety of their surrogate鈥檚 embrace if they needed to. But in those trials where Harlow had cloth mom removed, the infants would huddle in the corner screeching, sucking their hands or rocking back and forth repeatedly. Even those infants who were used to feeding from wire mom had a similar response: she was no better than the strange objects that surrounded her.

Subsequent experiments, this time with flesh-and-blood mothers, found that only those infants who had first established a secure attachment could successfully forge relationships with other members of their group. Without this, infants would experience heightened anxiety in social situations, just as Bowlby described for children with insecure attachment.

鈥淗arlow鈥檚 animal studies were meticulous because he knew how controversial they were going to be,鈥 Blum tells me. 鈥淲hen added to Bowlby鈥檚 work [they] provided the bedrock foundation that started switching the behaviourist way of thinking in the opposite direction.鈥

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However, for all the importance that Bowlby and Harlow placed on childhood attachment, they felt this role was entirely the purview of the mother. 鈥淭his whole business of mothers going to work, it鈥檚 so bitterly controversial, but I do not think it鈥檚 a good idea,鈥 Bowlby told an interviewer in 1989, reflecting views that dated back two decades. 鈥淐hildren are looked after in indifferent daycare nurseries.鈥

Harlow was even more direct in an interview for Psychology Today in 1973: 鈥淕od created women to be mothers and essentially nothing else.鈥

As career-driven men in a patriarchal culture, Bowlby and Harlow found it unthinkable that men should take an active role in childrearing. 鈥淭hey were products of their time,鈥 Blum says. 鈥淪cience doesn鈥檛 exist in a vacuum: it is influenced by the culture around it and can influence the culture in turn.鈥

As a young student walking to class beneath the granite gaze of revered university patriarchs, Hrdy found the same sexism permeating her environment, and there were no role models she could look to for support.

鈥淭he year I graduated from Radcliffe [1969], there was not a single female professor at Harvard,鈥 Hrdy says, 鈥渁nd as a graduate student in the 1970s, I was my professor鈥檚 first [female] student.鈥

Attending seminars as a postdoctoral researcher, her infant daughter tucked into a sling so as to maintain the constant physical contact that Bowlby鈥檚 attachment model of parenting recommended, Hrdy experienced first-hand the results of the prevailing sexism. Anthropology lectures would focus on the benefits of women being exchanged between groups as a way of connecting male brotherhoods and strengthening alliances. The savannah baboon social system, where males compete and form alliances with each other for access to females who had no role other than mothering, was held up as the model for our Pleistocene ancestors.

Nowhere did theories of human origins or models of behaviour consider the female perspective, or study what was adaptive for children. Male behaviour was viewed as the prime mover of evolution: women and children were merely satellites in its orbit.

鈥淧rimate behaviour, and the whole evolutionary endeavour, was steeped in these very Victorian preconceptions,鈥 Hrdy said. 鈥淚 remember thinking to myself: 鈥楾his is what it must be like to be a black person listening to a lecture in support of the Ku Klux Klan.鈥欌

To make matters worse, colleagues who had been trained with this perspective would at times dismiss her work with distinctly sexist overtones. To cite just one example, when the prominent biologist Robert Trivers was asked to comment on Hrdy鈥檚 groundbreaking work on primate infanticide in 1979, he told a reporter: 鈥淢y own view is that Sarah ought to devote more time and study and thought to raising a healthy daughter. That way misery won鈥檛 keep travelling down the generations.鈥

For Hrdy, such comments only added to the burden of gender inequality that she had shouldered all her life.

As it turns out, there is a direct connection between male-biased societies and the attitudes expressed towards women. Research in cultural anthropology in the decades after Bowlby has shown that what anthropologists call 鈥減atrilocal societies鈥 - societies in which men stay in the communities they are born into while women marry into outlying regions - tend to be more patriarchal, with an emphasis on controlling women鈥檚 freedom of movement, expression and reproduction. Societies with more flexible residence patterns, in which females have the option to remain in their home group near helpful kin or to move between groups, tend to be more egalitarian with higher levels of female control over their own lives and the lives of their children. Hunter-gatherers, the foraging societies that most closely approximate how our Pleistocene ancestors would have lived, are generally multi-local, with parents opportunistically moving between father鈥檚 and mother鈥檚 kin, or even joining some new group.

However, most farming societies today are based on patrilocal residence - and this suggests that a dramatic shift occurred when humans first invented agriculture approximately 12,000 years ago.

鈥淥ver time, as populations built up, as property became much more important - and it also became important to defend property - that鈥檚 when boundaries became less porous and men stayed together,鈥 Hrdy says. With patrilocality and the influence of patrilineal descent, there emerged a heightened concern over female chastity. Control over women became increasingly important, and reduced autonomy for mothers came at the expense of children. 鈥淲hile patriarchal ideologies promote fertility,鈥 Hrdy says, 鈥渢hey undermine child well-being.鈥

The striking differences between the status of females across primate societies led Hrdy to develop her theory of cooperative breeding in human evolution.

鈥淚 realised that there was simply no way a species with young as dependent as human children are could have evolved unless parents had access to alloparents - individuals other than the genetic parents - who helped to care for and also provide for the youngsters,鈥 she says. Human children may be 18 years old before they produce as many calories as they consume. The result of this high level of dependency can be seen among hunter-gatherer societies today.

鈥淭he characteristic feature of hunter-gatherers is the giving environment,鈥 says Barry Hewlett, professor of cultural and evolutionary anthropology at Washington State University. After more than 20 years conducting fieldwork in the Central African Republic, what really stands out for him is just how many different members of the group provide parental care.

鈥淚t makes sense,鈥 he argues. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e all genetically related to the child so many other individuals could be interested in providing care.鈥

More recent research on genomic imprinting suggests that our Pleistocene ancestors also involved networks of caregivers in the raising of children. In many species, the genetic relationship between kin members is a powerful predictor of how much investment one relative will provide in support of another. This may also be true of humans: paternal grandmothers have been shown to share more genes with their granddaughters than with grandsons.

A study published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society journal in 2010 tested the hypotheses that granddaughters would survive better when a paternal grandmother was present and grandsons would survive better when a maternal grandmother was present. The prediction was strongly supported in nearly all cases using data from societies ranging from 17th-century Japan and 18th-century England to present-day Gambia and Ethiopia.

鈥淭his evidence with grandmothers is increasingly impressive now and is absolutely consistent with a genomic-imprinting approach,鈥 says Trivers, professor of anthropology and biological sciences at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. 鈥淚t must be an effect of grandmothers directly providing investment.鈥

Hrdy says that Trivers, who turned 69 last month, is the most inspirational teacher she ever had. His theoretical papers on reciprocal altruism, parental investment and parent-offspring conflict, all developed while he was a graduate student and later a teaching assistant at Harvard, were among the most important contributions to biology in the 20th century.

Trivers and Hrdy know each other well, but their relationship had to overcome a rocky start. It took a while before Hrdy realised just how much Trivers had to offer. His habit of speaking off-the-cuff strained relations between them, particularly in 1979 when he made his infamous comment to the press that said Hrdy should stick to being a mother.

Afterwards, he immediately regretted saying it. 鈥淚 swore the person to secrecy, and they promised, but that was the only quote they used,鈥 he tells me. 鈥淚t hurt her and she was a personal friend.鈥

Years later, Trivers came to the defence of his former student when one of the leading evolutionary biologists of the time - his old Harvard adversary, the late Stephen Jay Gould - criticised Hrdy鈥檚 idea that female orgasm was the product of natural selection, a view that is now widely accepted.

鈥淚t makes you wonder鈥, Trivers told a national newspaper, with obvious delight, 鈥渏ust how close Steve had ever been to that blessed event if he thought it was a side-effect.鈥

The uniting of behavioural and genomic evidence, something that Hrdy and Trivers have independently explored throughout their careers, has revolutionised the way that mothers and children are viewed from the perspective of natural history. And rather than an evolutionary logic that places men at the top of the hierarchy, followed by women and children at lower levels, the perspective has now been inverted.

鈥淚nstead of the classical, so-called 鈥榩atriarchal鈥 society,鈥 Trivers says, 鈥渢he logic goes the other way around: children; women as primary investors; lastly and hardest to justify, males.鈥

In turn, what Hrdy finds is that a supportive network of caregivers is an evolutionarily stable strategy, ensuring children have many attachment figures. Patriarchal society isolated mothers by creating an environment that immured them from the social support that has long been the hallmark of our species. The image of the mother as 鈥渁n all-giving, totally dedicated creature who turns herself over to her children鈥, says Hrdy, is not one that 鈥渢akes into account the woman鈥檚 perspective鈥.

In the stifling heat of another Houston summer, this time in 2001, a woman named Andrea Yates killed her five children by drowning them in a bathtub.

鈥淲hat was that mother - already identified as suffering psychological duress - doing alone with five children without social or institutional support of any kind?鈥 Hrdy asks me rhetorically. In the background, I can hear her youngest son, Niko - named after the Nobel prizewinning ethologist Nikolaas Tinbergen - arrive home. A network of other relatives are busily preparing for a family gathering. 鈥淲e have forgotten to put events like these murders into a larger perspective,鈥 she adds.

Hrdy believes that for hundreds of thousands of years, mothers and children were given the physical and emotional support that allowed our species to thrive. Hunter-gatherers have always relied on a network of attachments so that, should one caregiver fail, many others could ensure emotionally confident and secure individuals.

鈥淩ates of child mortality were high, but there was no child abuse or emotional neglect,鈥 Hrdy told me. 鈥淎 child that experienced the kind of emotional neglect it takes to produce the psychopathology of insecure attachment, the kind showed in Bowlby鈥檚 and Harlow鈥檚 research, simply would not have survived.鈥

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An environment that contained a network of support for mothers and children was formative in our species鈥 development. We have forgotten these memories today and, as a result, deceived ourselves about what children, and our society as a whole, ultimately need to feel secure.

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